


MARVEL: Hogwarts Edition

by RelenaDuo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Fantastic Four (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Madness, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-04-09 05:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4335488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelenaDuo/pseuds/RelenaDuo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Marvel universe invades the HP universe. How? By turning things really to be funny. Set in Harry's 5th year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this basically came to me after reading 'Thinking In Little Green Boxes' which all of you should go read NOW. I don't even know how come this came to me after reading that because the has no relation or resemblance to that fic exept perhaps the massive crossover that'll happen here.
> 
> So yeah, I'm not even going to try to explain what this fic is about - believe me when I say I tried - since its damn near impossible to explain. Just read and try not to hate this.

The first sign that something was wrong was when Harry had barely been at home for one day when his Aunt burst into his room early in the morning.

"WHERE IS HE?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?", shrieked Aunt Petunia.

Harry, having only seconds ago been dreaming about the Graveyard could only come up with one eloquent answer, "Huh?"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! WHERE IS HE?"

"What?", he asked, flabbergasted.

"STOP EVADING MY QUESTIONS!"

"But I don't understand what you are going about!", snapped Harry.

"WHERE IS HE?!", she screamed.

"WHO?!", he shouted back.

"VERNON, YOU LITTLE FREAK! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?!"

Harry blinked, "I didn't do anything to him!"

"THEN WHY ISN'T HE HERE?!"

Harry's brain finally picked up on what he was hearing, "You mean to tell me he's just disappeared?"

"OF COURSE I'M TELLING YOU THAT, YOU WOULD KNOW! YOU DISAPPEARED HIM!"

Harry jumped up from his bed, "Aunt Petunia, this could be serious! I didn't disappear Uncle Vernon, someone could have kidnapped him!"

Petunia looked at him in horror, "You mean I've been shouting at you for no reason?"

"I'm afraid so."

She began to wail on top of her lungs.

Dudley lumbered in, "I'm off to the arcade. I'll be back later", and with that he left the sobbing Petunia in Harry's room to Harry alone.

Harry patted her on the back and guided her downstairs for some tea. After that he placed her at the side of the telephone and told her to expect any calls from the kidnappers. She sat at the telephone's side, crying loudly, for the rest of the day.

By the next day nothing of Vernon had been heard and it still wasn't the obligatory 48 hours for Harry to be able to call the police and report Vernon as missing so Harry went to the neighbors to hear of they had seen anything.

"I saw him walk out of the house real early, alright", said one of the nosey neighbors, Mrs. Mullins, "He looked real confused and so on, hey, aren't you supposed to be in prison or something?"

"If that is all I'll be going then, Mrs. Mullins", said Harry and began to edge away when the woman said another thing.

"Oh, there was Mrs. Figg as well. Did exactly the same thing, she did."

He blinked a couple of times, "I – thank you Mrs. Mullins."

He went back to the house and sat beside a crying Petunia in the living. Dudley came in shortly after to watch the telly.

It was almost dinner time, and Harry had already made some sandwiches for the night when there was some loud knocking on the front door.

"We respect your status as a free citizen by knocking first!", said somebody behind the door, "But we reaffirm the authority of being your government by coming in anyway!"

"Wait, what?", was all Harry could say before the front door was broken open and the army marched in.

"We are here to collect one-", the army guy began and took out what looked like a coupon from his pocket, "-Dudley Dursley, yes. Are you him?"

"It's him, IT'S HIM!", Harry frenetically pointed at Dudley who had since lumbered out of the living room and was now gawping at the army guy with the coupon with his name.

"That's the coupon I filled in to win the Soldier of Fortune Game!", said Dudley excitedly, "Have I won?"

"Dear lad, this is no coupon for a game. This is a coupon for entering the army! But yes, you have won. Welcome to the Scottish Army, lad!"

Harry gaped at him. Dudley just looked on stupidly. Petunia came out of the living room and said, "But we're in England!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about ma'am", said the army guy with the coupon.

"But the army doesn't work like this!", argued Petunia and Harry couldn't help but agree with her.

"I'm in the army now?", asked Dudley, finally picking up on what was happening around him.

"Exactly my lad!", said the army guy, "Now, let's not waste time, you come with us right away!"

"WHAT?!", shrieked Petunia, "You can't take him away now! His father is missing!"

The army guy looked at the coupon, "Here it says he's an orphan."

"WHAT?!", shouted Petunia and rounded on Dudley, "How could you?!"

Harry looked at the coupon, "Hey! It doesn't say anything here about his parents!"

"Stay away boy!", the army guy pushed him away and the soldiers behind him went into fight stance, "This is classified information! One more trick of yours and I'll have you flogged!"

Harry wasn't sure whether he should first argue that that's not how the army works or if he should tell the man he was basically kidnapping Dudley – but the soldiers behind him made him change his mind so instead he kept quiet.

"Brilliant, now lad, let's go", the army guy pointed at the street where, sure enough, there was a car from the army waiting for them.

"What, without packing?", asked a horrified Petunia.

"Of course not", scoffed the man and his soldiers began to frogmarch Dudley out.

"But – but, I don't want to go", argued Dudley as he was halfway into the car's backseat.

"Nonsense boy", said the army guy and finally shut the door when Dudley was inside.

"MY BABY!", wailed Petunia.

The army guy saluted at her, "Your son was a hero ma'am."

"Wait, what do you mean 'was'? He's right behind you!", said an aggravated Harry.

"Sure lad", said the army guy, got into the car, and drove off.

It took almost an hour of work and effort to guide Aunt Petunia back into the house and into the living room where she clang at the telephone and cried until she fell asleep.

"Tomorrow", said Harry to himself, "I'm going to the police to tell them about Vernon and how strangely Dudley was taken away. I'm sure that wasn't normal."

Next day, he gave Petunia some eggs and bacon for breakfast, dressed and was just about to leave when he opened the door and saw the army standing there once again.

"What?", he said in surprise, "Have you come to give back Dudley?"

"Who?", asked the same man that had come the previous day to take away Dudley.

"Yesterday you were here and took away a boy!"

"Yesterday? No, no, that was months ago", said the army guy.

Harry resisted the urge to facepalm, "If not for that, then why are you here?"

He took out a coupon from his pocket, "We are here for one Harry Potter."

Harry gaped at them, "That's the coupon I filled in for a free ice cream!"

The army guy shook his head, "No, no, this is a coupon for joining the army. Congratulations! You are now a member of the Scottish Army!"

Harry looked at the man and the soldiers behind him in horror, turned around and tried to run away.

He didn't get ten steps away before his arms and legs got grabbed by soldiers and then he got carried off to the car.

"No! Wait! I don't want to go! You can't force me to go!", he shouted as he got stuffed into the backseat of the car. He glanced at the house and saw a bewildered Petunia stare at him.

"CALL THE POLICE!", he shouted as the car pulled away with him inside.

After hours of driving they dropped him off at some obscure military base full of people twice his size and arrogant as hell.

He was tossed and kicked around until he was given one flimsy bed and an uniform that resembled the ones he'd seen in the museum and history books to illustrate WW2 uniforms.

"But I don't want to be here!", he kept on saying, nobody listened to him. All their testosterone-filled brains could think about was punching Hitler. He became quite concerned for himself once he realized they REALLY meant it.

"One, One, One, Two, Three, Four – Move it you pansies!", shouted their instructor.

Harry had been there two days already and he was feeling as hell. Since he never got any physical training at Hogwarts he was the most unfit of the group and kept being left behind.

"But –", gasp, "-I don't-", gasp, "-want-", gasp, " to be-", gasp, "-here!", he said as he was drilled into a fifteenth lap around the camp.

Finally, he just gave up and collapsed.

"My, my, what do we have here?", he heard an elderly voice and when he looked up he saw Mrs. Figg.

"Mrs. Figg!", he exclaimed on jumped up, "I'm so glad to see you!", even if she was wearing what also looked like a WW2 female uniform and red lipstick and had done something weird to her hair, he was still happy.

"Oh, are you?", she smiled at him, he didn't remember her having half as many teeth before.

"Why are you here?", he asked.

She held her out for him to shake, "The name's Feggy", she grinned at him.

"W-what?", he stammered.

"You are a young handsome man, you are!"

He looked at her in horror.

She batted her elderly eyelashes at him.

Harry looked at her and then at the retreating group of wannabe Hitler-punchers, then he looked back at her.

"I – I gotta go train", he said and ran away as fast as he could, all his previous fatigue forgotten.

On his third day there things turned for worse when some crazy guy threw a grenade at the recruits. Harry, being, well, Harry, but also a Gryffindor tried to take to blow for himself and covered the grenade. After all, if he could get away from the camp by jumping on a grenade it would one great improvement.

But, as his luck would have it, it all turned out to be some sort of test which he alone passed and then got selected for some mumbo-jumbo weird muggle experiment where he was probably going to have his ass cut off or something.

The head scientist came to visit him in his horrible bedroom and sat on another flimsy bed and tried to reassure him by taunting him with alcohol only to take it away in the last minute.

That night he went out, find some chain and went back to his bed to chain himself to it. If he was going to have his ass cut off then nobody was going to tell him he didn't resist it.

Bad thing, living on an army camp they soon got a saw and dragged him away while he was screaming blue murder.

Then he was placed into a car with Mrs. Figg 'Feggy', who then flirted with him all the way to some old grimy antique shop.

He shot out of the car as soon as it stopped and kept as far away from Feggy as possible.

Once they went down a badly hidden lift he saw a metallic bed on which he was going to get strapped to. Having heard that this was something used in tortured he tried to run away again, but Feggy was standing at the door batting her eyelashes at him. He turned around and jumped on the bed.

"Don't let her come near me!", he pleaded.

"Ah, young love", chuckled the head scientist as he began to strap him on.

After that they jabbed him multiply times with all kinds of terrifying syringes, but the knowledge of an even more terrifying Feggy standing at the door kept him from bolting.

Then they put in him a large cylindrical oven and cooked him. He screamed at them to let him out, but all he heard from the other side of the oven was Feggy telling them how he would want to continue till the end.

He then passed out from sheer frustration. When he woke up he was out of the oven and everybody was ogling him.

"Oh, Harry!",Feggy mooned over him.

He looked down, "Sweet Merlin!"

He was not only about a foot or two higher, but also was heavily build in muscles. They let him stagger out of the oven to ogle better at his abs. While they gawped at him he fumbled through his discarded t-shirt and produced his glasses.

"Harry, why are you putting on your glasses?", asked the head scientist, but before Harry could answer him a guy shot the head scientist, ironically, in the head and ran for it.

"NO!",Feggy was at the head scientist's side and crying over his body in an instant.

He took this moment of distraction from Feggy and ran for it as well, maybe that random murderer could show him a good hiding place?"

So he ran after the man in hopes of catching up and asking him this, but the guy instead got angry and started to shoot at him.

"Hey!", he shouted at the man who, without any aim whatsoever, instead of shooting him, shot the hot dog out of a guy's hand that was standing nearby.

"No! My Hot Dog!", cried the man in misery.

"Are you alright, sir?", he asked the man.

"NO! That oik just blew up my lunch! But what are you standing here for, boy? Go get him!"

And with that Harry set off at a high speed to get to the hot dog killer. Several blocks later, a couple of explosions and one hostage situation later he was cornering the murderer in some alley.

"We will never die! HAIL THE WATER SNAKE!", and with that he died.

"Aw man, I only wanted to know if you had a good hiding place! Hey look, what's this?", he picked up a broken vial.

"Harry!",Feggy came running round the corner with a couple dozen soldiers and took in the sight of the dead guy.

"WATER SNAKE", she hissed, her already wrinkled forehead wrinkled even further as she was in anger.

"Oh well, too bad everybody died. Now, if you excuse me I'll go n-", while in midsentence he got picked up and carried back to the lab with the giant oven where they took his blood and spoke in whispers.

One of the army guys eventually approached him and told him they basically wanted him to become a show monkey.

"What? Hell no", he answered the man.

"Well, yes, I understand that this might be difficult for you. After all that's happened and of you accept this you probably wouldn't see Miss Feggy again and-"

"SIGN ME UP!"

The next day he was dancing along some girls in mini-kilts while he was walking around in a chainmail suite with the flag of Scotland on the chest and a shield that also had Scotland's pattern.

He punched some guy dressed up as Hitler a couple of times as the crowd cheered and ignored the fact that, despite that he called himself Captain Scotland they were currently in Wales.

The whole show business thing only lasted about two days before he was shipped off to some camp in a war ridden area.

"Why are we here? Can't I just go back to the crowd of five-year olds?", he pleaded as he was pushed on stage and Feggy was in the first row waving at him.

"I was promised I'd never see her again!", he shouted to the people backstage as the crowd of soldiers jeered at him.

Soon after he gave up and was standing near some General's tent in hopes of getting away as soon as possible when Feggy came running out of that same tent.

"Merlin!", he shouted and was about to run away but she grabbed his arm and looked at him sadly.

"It's horrible Harry! Your best friend has been captured by the WATER SNAKE!"

"What? Ron is here too?!"

"Is that what you call him? Yes, he's here as well!"

Harry swallowed a lump of terror, "Where is the place they are keeping him?", he couldn't let poor Ron in that horrible mess.

She handed him a map, "Here, follow the marks I made with my lipstick", she smacked her lips at him.

Harry recoiled in horror, "I'll go save him now", and with that he ran away.

After several hours he found the enemy base of WATER SNAKE and sneaked in to rescue Ron. Goodness alone knew how Ron of all people had ended up a soldier as well.

He quickly disabled anybody in his path and found some cages to liberate people from. He asked everybody for Ron but nobody knew a red haired guy named Ron so he was forced to search further.

After some time he did find somebody he felt he vaguely knew.

"Dudley?", he asked as he gazed on his cousin, strapped to some table.

"Is that you Harry?", said Dudley hopefully.

"Why are you here, Dudley?", asked Harry as he unfastened Dudley from the table.

"What are you banging about? I'm Ducky", said a confused Dudley.

"Sure you are", he said and began to haul him away.

"Are you taller?", asked Dudley after a while.

Harry just shook his head and tried to run as the bombs began exploding. They entered some place where most of the round below seemed to be already in flames, they just needed to get to the other side of that catwalk.

That was when Uncle Vernon stepped in, "Ah! Der Captain Scotland!", he said in a heavy German accent.

"Uncle Vernon?", he said in disbelieve.

"Vhy do you inzolentschwachkopf call me Onkel?!", demanded the German sounding Vernon.

"You – you look just like my uncle!", said Harry, feeling very confused.

"Izziz some kind of Scottish insult?", bellowed the Vernon-lookalike.

"No!"

"Mein Name iz Herr Schmitley!", he said importantly.

Harry just stared at him, "You still look like my uncle though."

The man sneered at him, "Diziz enough! I shall show you the glory of the WATER SNAKE!", and with that he took off his face to reveal another face, only this one was all red and made him look like a skull.

"I am ze Crimson Skull!", he proclaimed and began advancing on them.

Harry, eyes wide, took the first set of chains that hang from the ceiling and motioned to Dudley to do the same, "Nuh uh, I'm outta here", he said and jumped off with Dudley.

Later they arrived at the camp with all the escaped prisoners and he was proclaimed a hero.

"I'm so glad you could rescue Ducky Durns!", said Feggy happily and tried to kiss him, but he was able dodge in time.

"That's him, my best friend in the world", said Ducky with one arm around his shoulders.

Harry just looked on in horror.

Hours later he was offered to go heroing around all the WATER SNAKE bases and destroy them with his newly formed band of lesser heroes.

"Does this mean I'll be away from Feggy?", he asked.

"I'm afraid so", said the General.

"SIGN ME UP!"

And with that started the adventures of Captain Scotland and his group of friends. Dudley was so different now that he was Ducky that Harry didn't even bother to have him nearby, he was better than Feggy, that was for sure.

They also gave him a nice new shield and when he asked what it was made of they said that they had used some sword a boy had found in a hat some years ago. He decided he didn't want to know how they had gotten it to make the shield.

With time they had almost decimated the entire WATER SNAKE bases and were now attacking some train of sort. They had barely landed on the train when Ducky, not looking where he was going, clumsily stepped on a banana peel and fell off the train.

"DUCKY!", Harry shouted because after almost two weeks of being surrounded by madness you got affected eventually.

After the train incident he generally spent time running away from Feggy and her constant insistence that they had a date, or kissed, or something.

The great day finally came when they attacked the big WATER SNAKE base. Unfortunately Herr Schmitley was there with a couple of bombs destined for every major city in Great Britain and he also tried to run away with a blue glowing cup that was encased within a blue glowing cube.

At the end they were both aboard some plane Harry had previously been using to hide from Feggy.

As Herr Schmitley died and the cup within the cube glowed through the plane floor, Harry was left with a bomb that was about to go off.

"Harry! Harry! Come back, we have an expert here that can help us!", said Feggy through the radio, "You can come home now Harry – incidentally, would you like to name our first child Mimsey or Fluffy-Boots?"

Harry turned to look back to bombs and thought better about going back. He picked up the radio, "It can't steer", he lied.

There was silence from the other line, "Oh Harry, I'll be waiting for you at the dance hall!"

"I don't think I'm coming back", internally he was cheering.

"And if you don't show up I'll marry you and you won't be there to say no or anything", she said.

Harry's eyes bulged, "I'm turning, I'm turning!", he said as he turned the plane without looking where he was going and directly crashed into a frozen lake in the middle of the summer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am again.
> 
> Just for the record I still think I might have had a real lapse in my sanity when I wrote this.

CHAPTER 2

Molly Weasley was cheerfully preparing lunch one day when there came a knocking on her door.

"Who could it be?", she said softly as she went to open the door to find a long, thin woman standing there.

"Does one Ginny Weasley live here?", she asked.

"Why do you ask?", asked Mrs. Weasley suspiciously.

"Ah, I'm a teacher of a very prestigious ballet school and I've heard that Miss Weasley is more than adept at the art."

"Oh, in that case you can come on – eh, GINNY! COME DOWN!", she hollered.

The woman sat down with Mrs. Weasley and Ginny when she arrived.

"You think I'm any good for ballet?", asked Ginny.

"More than perfect, I'd say", said the woman primly.

"But what about Hogwarts?"

"Oh this is a summer course, it would be all over before she has to go to Hogwarts", said the woman.

"Wow! Mom, can I go? Please!", pleaded Ginny.

"Oh well, you'll be starting your OWLs next year so then you won't have time for this – so yes, you may", said Mrs. Weasley kindly.

"THANK YOU MOM!", Ginny hugged her mother.

"Excellent choice Madam, and now Ginny, if you could come with me to the academy right away – no need to pack anything, we'll provide you with everything."

"What, now?", asked a suddenly concerned Mrs. Weasley.

"But of course, if she is to obtain international standard we have to begin right away, ready Ginny, dear?"

"Yes ma'am!", said Ginny excitedly as she and the woman walked out hurriedly.

"But – Ginny!", exclaimed Mrs. Weasley, but Ginny and the woman were already gone.

Things didn't really get better afterwards.

A few days later another person came knocking to her door.

She walked over to answer and saw none other than Mondungus Fletcher, "Mundungus, what on earth are you doing here?"

"The name's MondiahFlane, ma'am, and I'm here to speak with one of your children, Ron, to be specific", he grinned at her.

"Why? And why have you grown a beard?"

"Dunno, just came to me. Now, can I speak with Ron?"

Molly looked at him with suspicion, "The other day I had somebody like you over. She took Ginny away and all I've heard about her are letters in Russian!"

"Promise I won't teach your boy any foreign", said the man.

Molly narrowed her eyes at him, "You better not! RON! COME DOWN!"

Seconds later they were all seated in the small living room.

"Just that? You want to teach him some Muggle stuff?", asked Molly.

"S'right."

"And you won't even take him away?"

"Well, not unless he becomes really good, but then again he won't even learn foreign, he'll only learn Muggle Stuff."

"What do you say, Ron?", asked Molly.

"Sound interesting – I think", said Ron reluctantly, not really sure he was the one for this.

"Then it's all settled then! Let's go outside, I brought this really nice engine parts", Mondiah beckoned him over.

Ron sighed and followed after him.

Ron had barely finished learning whatever it was the Mondiah was teaching him when he came to bid Molly farewell.

"But, Ron, are you sure you want to leave?", asked Molly despondently.

"But Mom! All the things I've learned about engineering, physics and chemistry are just so wonderful and Mondiah says I can learn even more if I go study it somewhere!", Ron was radiating excitement.

Molly gave in, "Oh well, if it makes you happy."

"It does! I promise!", said Ron.

"Fine then, you ca-"

"Bye Mom!", called Ron from the door and closed it with a snap.

Molly let her shoulders sag.

Days later there was a call for an urgent meeting of the Order.

"What is happening?", she said as she arrived alone, she hadn't been able to goad Arthur out of his shack for days now.

"I'm afraid Albus has disappeared", said Minerva, wringing her hands in anxiety.

"What do you mean disappeared?", asked Snape, jumping to his feet.

"This is bad", moaned Sirius.

"How did this happen?", asked Molly kindly to the anxious woman.

"He has been acting strangely as of later, this morning he called one of the staff a – well, you'd be better off not knowing", she said, blushing.

"So you still saw him this morning?", asked Snape.

"Yes, but then he suddenly he ran off, shouting that he was going to – well, you know, better for you not to know."

"Minerva, how can we possibly help if we don't know what he said he was going to do?", asked Remus, the voice of reason.

"Hark the man!", growled Mad-Eye.

Minerva blushed fiercely, "Well, I did try to warn you", she took a deep breath, "He said, and I quote, that he was going to deal with those f #%ing f*& #%s and the b*#%$ s that owe him."

Everybody sat in shocked silence.

"The age finally got him", said Sirius solemnly. Remus elbowed him hard.

"I suggest we organize a search group", said Diggle and soon everybody were trying to organize something akin to a search party.

"You go take care of Arthur, he hasn't been himself lately", said Minerva not unkindly and send her back home.

When she apparated back home the house was being remodeled.

"WHAT?!", she shouted and ran to find out who was behind this.

When she entered she could see that so far the living room had been resized already and was gigantic now, some people were even installing a piano in a corner.

"Mrs. Weasley!", said Mondiah happily, coming out of nowhere and guiding her quickly to the kitchen. The kitchen was now so big and beautiful that she lost all the air she had been building up to yell at the man.

"What is happening?", she finally managed in a whisper.

"Oh! Hey, Mom!", said Ron, coming from around a corner.

Molly gaped at him. Ron was wearing a dragon hide suite with glasses of a dark shade and standing as upright as she'd always wanted her children to stand.

"Ron?", she asked, just to make sure.

"ItsRony now", he said and gave her a one-arm hug, "What do you think of the place now? Pretty good I say, but they're taking too damn long building me my basement. Where am I supposed to put my Nimbus and Firebolt I ask them? Then they look at me like I'm crazy and then I have to explain them that I want a road out of it so I can fly my damn Firebolt however I like."

Molly just stared at him. There were so many questions whizzing through her head right now that she didn't even know where to start, so she picked an obvious one, "Ron-", he gave her a look, "Eh – Rony, where did you get all the money for this?"

"Well, I inherited it of course", he said with an eye roll.

"From whom?"

"From my Dad of course", said Rony matter-of-factly.

Molly sighed in exasperation, "Ron – oh, alright – Rony, your Dad is in his shack right now."

Rony'seyebrows rosehigh at that, "Are you sure? Because the lawyers were pretty clear than I inherited a fortune from my pops."

"I thought you said you'd inherited it from your Dad", she said in confusion.

Rony sighed, "That's what pops means."

"Oh, well, let me show him to you then", and with that she dragged him off to the shack.

She knocked gently, "Arthur! We're coming in!"

She opened the door just in time to see Arthur hide something under the table.

"Arthur, what are you doing?", she asked, "They're tearing the house apart and you didn't even notice!"

He hissed back at her like a cat.

Molly sprang back with a yelp.

Rony looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Yeah, that's my Dad? Pfft, sure", and with that he walked off to a bunch of teenage girls that were waiting for him on their brooms and then they flew off.

Molly really had no idea of what was going on.

Time went on and soon her house was bigger than any Manor she'd ever seen or heard of. Higher too. It was still shoddy and seemed to be held up by magic alone on the outside, but that was just how Ronyliked things. On the inside it was all of wood as well, but very elegant and expensive looking. Soon she had the house of her dreams. Though there were some setbacks.

"Hey, Mom", said Rony one day after coming back from some party or other, he'd been hardly back a week and every night there was a party.

"Yes, dear?", she asked, still chopping her vegetables – she insisted on making her own food even if she was rich now.

"Where's Percy?", he asked.

"Oh, said something a couple days ago about becoming a flying expert for the ministry or something", she said, many people were doing strange things these days.

"Ah, fine then", and he left.

"Oh, by the way", he ran back in, "If you see a girl called Salt, let her around, she's my new personal assistant", and he was off again.

Molly met Salt that very evening while she was rushing to a new Order urgent meeting.

"Angelina, is that you?", she asked.

"Why, hello Mrs. Weasley! Rony said you'd be around. My name is Angie Jarrs, but people call me Salt."

Molly, still in a hurry over the Order meeting didn't ask why, "That's wonderful dear. Take care of Rony then, will you? Good", and with that she flooed away.

When she arrived at the Order meeting she almost screamed when she saw Albus.

Sirius, right at her side, did the work for her, "MERLIN'S SOGGY UNDERWEAR! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALBUS?!"

Everybody wondered that. Albus sat at the head of the table glaring at everybody with is one good eye. He had not only somehow lost one of his eyes and covered it with a patch, but he also had lost all the hair on his scalp, the only hair he had left now was his beard. He was also wearing total black. His robes were black and his eye patch was black.

"What happened?", demanded Snape, turning on a very concerned looking Minerva.

"I don't know! He just showed up like this at Hogwarts", said Minerva.

"Sit, everybody", said Albus in a thick American accent.

Snape looked at Minerva questioningly.

"Mad-Eye already checked Severus, he's the real one."

They all sat down reluctantly.

Albus began, once again in his thick accent, "I am Bick Dumbfury, Director of this operation which I'm calling Order of P.H.I.E.L.D as of now."

"PHIELD?", chorused the whole Order.

"Bick Dumbfury?", asked a clearly irritated Minerva, "If you think we're going to call you that, then you're sorely mistaken. At least I will not call you that."

"Is this insubordination?", asked Albus, glaring at her with his one good eye.

"I'm merely refusing to call you a stupid name!"

Albus continued to glare at her and then glared at the rest of them, Sirius tried to hide behind Remus.

"First, it's not Phield, its P.H.I.E.L.D dammit! Stands for Premeditated Homeland Intellect Esoterics Logistics Division!"

They stared at him, some in shock, some in confusion.

"And from this day on we will become an operational taskforce that will rid the world of all those unexplained phenomenons that threaten the security of the people of this nation! Any one in our way shall be deemed a national threat and be treated accordingly! Above all our function will be secret and anybody who breaks this rule shall have a chat with me."

With the look he was giving them it was clear nobody wanted to have a chat with him.

"Good. Now-"

"But this is absurd!", said Minerva, "This doesn't make any sense! Why are we changing our name all of the sudden? What about the Phoenix? Where is Fawkes anyways?"

"Who?", asked Bick Dumbfury.

"Your Phoenix! It was in your office at Hogwarts!"

"You mean the chicken?"

"Chicken?", repeated Minerva in astonishment, "CHICKEN?!"

"Listen, ma'am perhaps you should go have a lie down or something", said Dumbfury.

"I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE A LIE DOWN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH FAWKES, ALBUS? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

Dumbfury regarded her for a few moments and then produced what looked like dark glasses and handed them to her.

"I like your conviction", he said in an approving tone.

Minerva warily took the glasses from him and put them on.

"Really Albus, I don't see how this would – oh", and then she sat motionless for a while till Lupin prodded her gently.

"Minerva, are you alright?"

She took off her glasses and a small smile tugged at her thin lips as she looked at him.

Sirius sank deeper into his chair, "She's creepy", he mumbled and this time nobody felt like arguing with him.

"Minerva?", ventured Md-Eye.

"Who?", she said.

Severus groaned and held his face in his hands.

"What's your name then?", asked Diggle.

"Min McGonson, Agent of the Order of PHIELD."

Dumbfury nodded in approval at all the horrified faces, "Can we proceed now with the meeting? I have actual work that needs to be done."

Nobody argued with anything he said for the rest of the meeting, nobody wanted to be given dark glasses if they misbehaved.

Molly returned to the house to discover that the twins were now missing as well.

After that day the Order of PHIELD meetings began to become more common as well. The place was teaming with life now that Dumbfury had brought in new blood – lots of it. Not even depressed Sirius was bored any more. There wasn't a moment of piece in the house he said. They were also redecorating the place in such a drastic manner that it wasn't looking that much like the Black Manor anymore, which made Sirius even happier.

At home Molly was also starting to get concerned for Rony, the only one that was still around home, though Percy and he seemed to have suddenly come to some sort of friendship. On the other hand-

"What did you say your surname was?", asked Molly again.

Percy looked at her in confusion, "It's Percy Weasrhodes, ma'am, why are you asking this so many times?"

"But you're Percy Weasley!", she insisted.

Rony shook his head at Percy, "It's no use Percy, she keeps insisting that the guy that lived in the shack was my pops, crazy right?"

"But he is! And what do you mean 'lived'?"

"He moved out ages ago", said Ronny with an eye roll.

"But he was there this morning!"

"Nah, not anymore. Anyways, what were you saying about the voyage to a war zone Percy?"

"Ah, yes, to show your new weapon – what was its name?"

"Morgana, obviously, now lets discuss this", and they moved a away from a still shell-shocked Molly. She ran to the shack and found Arthur with Amos Diggory and Tonks, chatting and eating sandwiches.

Amos looked at her accusingly, "'Ey, you said this place was secret."

"It is", said Arthur as he gave her a look.

She waved at them, totally at ease now that she could see her husband was still there, "Oh hi there, just call me if you need anything – and Tonks, dear, that hair with that skin tone is completely dashing!", she closed the door behind her and walked happily back to home only to find Rony and some other buy fly away at high speed to somewhere.

She shook her head and entered the house and shrieked what she saw a boy standing there, staring at nothing.

"Oh, gave me right a scare there young man!", she said as she sat down on a fluffy couch.

"I am sorry Mrs. Weasley", said the boy politely.

"Oh, I remember you! You're Seamus Finnigan!", she said happily.

"Who?", said the boy politely.

"Not him? I'm sorry then, but who are you?"

"J.A.R.M.U.S.", he answered politely.

Molly stared, "Jarmus?"

"Stands for Just A Rather Manly Ubiquitous Servant", said JARMUS helpfully.

"Servant? Aren't you a bit young for this?", she asked.

He furrowed his brows politely, "I don't understand the question."

She sighed, "Get me Salt, will you?"

"Of course", he said and politely disappeared. It was too polite to even surprise Molly, who knew for a fact, that apparition wasn't legal until 17.

JARMUS reappeared in a polite way, "She is on her way."

"Thank you – why haven't I ever seen you before?"

"Because Master Rony normally needs me most in his lab-", at her confused look he added, "Which is in the basement, so I normally aren't visible in the rest of the house, but you can call me at any hour you wish."

"That's nice of you, dear."

"Mrs. Weasley?", said Salt as she came in.

"Yes dear, can you please explain to me why my son has boy as his servant? And what is wrong with him and don't you dare try tell me there's nothing wrong with him."

"Um, you see, he's an AI so that's how he was programmed", she explained.

"Is that foreign?"

Salt stared at her for a moment and settled for, "Yes, that's foreign."

"So this is normal in his culture?", she pointed at JARMUS.

"Um, yes."

"What a strange culture – JARMUS, tell me more about your home country", she asked the boy politely.

The boy looked at Salt for instructions who nodded at him fervently.

"Well, I was born as a circuit board-", he began.

After about an hour Molly said, "Fascinating. I'm sure Arthur would love to hear about this."

"Is that the name of the man who lives in the shack?", asked Salt.

"Yes, he's my husband, even if Rony refuses to admit it."

"Oh", she said and then got a call from her two-way mirror, "Hi Percy. Yes. WHAT?! Oh no! Will he be okay?! Oh dear poor Rony!", and with that she sat down and began to cry.

"What's happened?", asked Molly urgently.

"Master Rony has been kidnapped", said JARMUS politely, even sounding a bit sad himself.

"Oh, no!", wailed Molly and went to cry with Salt.

Two days later Salt got the call that he had been saved and was now coming home, however he first went and had a press conference where he declared his company was no longer producing weapons. Thing which was apparently something since he owned all wand stores and wands were weapons and he was also the inventor of the exploding cauldron Morgana. He had created a wide range of exploding cauldrons.

While the world was going mad there, at the same time a young timid boy who had discovered he needed glasses just days ago was arriving at a Herbology presentation.

"This is wonderful!", he said to himself.

"I agree", said the man besides him who wore a high scarf concealing his face and a big hat to conceal it further.

"Really?", asked Neville, adjusting his new glasses awkwardly.

"Absolutely, I never was good in this sort of thing at school. Maybe if I had been I'd have a better life now", he said.

"Sounds like you're having a hard time", said Neville.

"You can say that, all the time people looking for me so I can't get out regularly. It'ssooooo boring", he whined.

"I know that feeling", said Neville, "Gran doesn't let me go out that much either."

"It's nice to know I'm not the only one", said the man.

"I suppose so."

The teacher then commanded them to re-pot some of the plants as an extra activity. Neville paired up with his new friend and together they chatted and worked for hours.

When Neville quickly went out for some more Dragon dung he noticed a spider scuttle through the dung.

"Now, we can't put you in the plant's soil", he said and tried to shoo away the spider when it suddenly jumped on his hand and bit him.

"Argh!", he cried and watched the spider run away.

"What horrible little thing", he said and took the dung back inside.

Some hours later the presentation was over and Neville and his new friend parted ways as they both went back home.

Once Neville was at home though, he began to feel really sick so he went to his room to hide under a blanket. As soon as he was under his soft cocoon he began to convulse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er - Please review and if some of you still want to speculate, please be welcome to do so in the comments since I'm actually curious as to what you guys think of this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again!

In northern Scotland in a suspiciously frozen lake in the middle of the summer, Agent Min McGonson of the Order of PHIELD was overseeing an excavation. Soon one of the many interchangeable agents called her down to observe their findings.

"Impressive", she said when she saw it, her tone sounding a bit happy despite herself.

The leading agent nodded at her, "It's got to be the magical serum", he said as he looked down at the unconscious, frozen boy with glasses that was still, somehow, alive.

Harry awoke with a start as he heard a radio playing a Quidditch match of some or other teams. He looked around and quickly placed his glasses on and saw that he was in some generic 40's hospital room.

He gaped at the room in horror and then saw a woman with generic 40's nurse clothes enter the room.

"Oh, Mr. Potters it's nice to have you with us again!", she said chirpily.

"I've traveled in time!", he said in horror and sprung up from his bed.

"Mr. Potters?", said the nurse fearfully as she backed away.

"I have to get back to the future!", he shouted and jumped through a window, only to land in some corridor. He got up swiftly and began running away, soon he was standing in some sophisticated room with a Dumbledore-lookalike sans the scalp hair and an eye.

"What?", he asked the man.

"I'm sorry you had to learn of it this way", said the bald man with an eye patch and black leather robes.

"What?", he said in confusion. He was in a bright silvery room teeming with people in black robes with black muggle ties doing various jobs. Many of them were busy with what looked like mirrors and were speaking with them, other were making potions in cauldrons all around the room.

"You are at the headquarters of the Order of PHIELD", said the man, "I'm afraid you've been frozen in ice for ages."

Harry looked at him in horror, "Wait – I'm in the future?"

"Exactly. Seventy years into the future."

Harry sagged to his knees in horror.

"Are you alright?", asked the man.

"Yeah – I just missed a date", he said and began to cry. Feggy would have married him by this time.

"Hey, what's happening – is that Harry?", asked Sirius, suddenly coming into the room.

"Yeah, this is Harry Potters", introduced the man and Harry looked up to see Sirius.

"Sirius!", he said and ran to give him a hug, "Were you also frozen?"

"Frozen?", he asked in confusion.

"It's nothing", assured the bald man, "He's probably still confused after being unfrozen so he's mistaking you for somebody else."

"What?", asked Harry as he broke the hug, "This isn't my godfather?"

"No, now I'm Bick Dumbfury, let me show you off to a place where you can train your sorrows away – try to forget your lady", Dumbfury began guiding him away.

Harry thought about Feggy and shuddered, "I don't think I'll be ever able to forget her."

Sirius just stood and watched in perplexity, "But I am his godfather!", he shouted. Nobody paid him any attention.

"And what happened to him that's he's all muscular all of the sudden?!", he continued, still nobody looked at him, "This is all wrong!"

Back at the Weasley mansion Molly was doing all in her power to understand what was going on. Ever since Rony had come back from his kidnapping he had been hiding in his basement and occasionally explosions could be heard from within. Mondiah had brought some circular thing and called it pit za which brought Rony out, but when Salt and Mondiah started to complain about his business plans he quickly ran away again.

The next thing she knew was that Salt was grossed out by something Rony had made her do, but yet she came back the next day with a gift for Rony. Molly was also getting concerned about the sightings she'd seen of a flying medieval armor outside her house. Salt and Percy though, seemed to know what it was all about, but weren't telling her.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me?", prodded Molly as she discretely moved another plate of cookies towards Salt.

"Um, yes Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Stark was very firm on it. Also Mrs. Weasley, your husband is attracting many people towards his shack, you know?"

"Oh, he's just making friends", said Molly and got up to make some take away food for everybody, "So you're sure Rony is going back today to Hogwarts?", she asked again, just to be sure. Rony had been acting so strangely lately that she had begun to worry over him attending Hogwarts as well.

"Yes Mrs. Weasley", said Salt wearily.

"Just making sure, dear."

"Yes Mrs. Weasley."

"Everything's ready", said a boy as he came into the kitchen. Molly had first thought his name was Dennis something but he had soon helped her right.

"Oh, Denny, thank you", said Salt to Denny Crogan, Rony's driver and bodyguard.

"JARMUS!", called Salt and the servant appeared in an instant.

"Yes, Miss Jarrs?"

"Please tell Rony that we're all set", said Salt and JARMUS disappeared instantly.

"What a nice young man", said Molly and walked with them to the front of the mansion where the longest broom Molly had ever seen was waiting for them.

The tip had an inscription of 'Nimbus, Special Order for Rony' and was about four meters long and on top of the bristles was a mountain of luggage, all just for Rony alone. Denny had already sent his luggage ahead of time as well as Salt's, so that their luggage wouldn't take space that could be occupied by Rony's luggage.

"I'm set", said Rony as he came out of the house with two metal suitcases and loaded them on top of his mountain of stuff.

Denny just sighed and climbed on the already floating broom and signaled that everybody else could get on as well.

As soon as Rony and Salt were in place Denny let the giant broom rise and began flying away.

"Bye Baby!", cried Molly as she watched her boy go to school, internally hoping all her other children were okay.

At the headquarters of PHIELD Harry was preparing to leave as well.

"Jolly! Who would have thought that Hogwarts would be still around after seventy years!", said Harry, his wild hair had been jelled into a classic 40's style.

Sirius just rolled his eyes at him, "Sure, what a wonder", he said sarcastically.

"I'll be going then", said Harry and shook Sirius' hand, "You really do remind me a lot of my late godfather", he said sincerely and let some interchangeable agent take him to the station.

"That's because I am your godfather!", said Sirius in exasperation, nobody heard him this time either.

The station was crowded and most of the wizards were gaping at several strange things.

First off was the commotion created by all the fangirls when Rony Weasley arrived and waved at everybody as he got into the train, followed by a girl everybody thought was called Angelina and a boy they thought was Dennis.

Second was when Harry, now Potters, appeared and people swarmed him for an autograph even if they were in London and he was somehow now Captain Scotland. What bewildered them as well was the fact that he was much taller now and heavily muscled.

Once Harry got on the train he began looking for a decent compartment where people wouldn't ogle at him. He quickly bypassed a compartment with the name 'Rony' written in gold above the door. Whoever Rony was it didn't sound as if he wanted to meet him so he got himself a mostly empty compartment where he hid himself in a big corner – no small corner could hide his giant form – and tried for nobody to notice him.

Meanwhile, Rony was lazily stretched out on the seat of his side of the compartment while Denny and Salt shared the other side. Salt was busy with her two-way mirror and speaking with important people about important business and Denny was taking a nap.

Then suddenly the compartment door slid open and Hermione Granger was standing inside.

"AH! Security breach!", shouted Rony and Denny sprang up and held out his thin hands in a boxing posture.

"What the – Ron, why are these people here?", asked Hermione.

"Whoa, babe, it's Rony", said Rony and gave her a thousand kilowatt smile.

Hermione was so shocked by his reaction that she gaped at him.

"Now, I'll give you my autograph later on – Denny, show her out please", said Rony and relaxed back into his seat.

"What? Why are you throwing me out?!", demanded Hermione, "And where is Harry? I haven't seen him since I got on the train nor have I heard of him the whole summer!"

"Dunno who you are or this Harry either", said Rony and nodded at Denny.

Denny opened the compartment door for her, "Please ma'am, step out."

"Dennis, you know me! It's me, Hermione!", said Hermione as she was gently pushed out.

Rony suddenly got up and showed her the writing on top of the compartment door, "See, that's my name, you don't barge into compartments with people's name on it."

Now that Ron was so close Hermione could see him better, "Ron, is that a goatee you're growing on your face?", she asked as she squinted at his chin.

"Hey, what I do with my face is my business stranger!", he said.

Hermione was about to say something else when Draco Malfoy showed up.

"What is this? The Weasel breaking up with his girlfriend the Mudblood?", he sneered.

"That's no way to call a lady. You're obviously terrible with women", said Rony in a deadpan.

"How dare you Weasel!"

"I dare all I want, now get away from my compartment lazy daisy."

Only now did Draco look up and see the golden 'Rony' written on top of the door.

"What's this? Sold your house to be able to afford a compartment for you alone?"

"Pfft! I'm one of the richest wizards on the earth, where have you been living boy, under a rock?"

Draco was red in the face at the suggestion that he might live under any rock.

At that moment a horde of fangirls stormed the place and tried to get to Rony.

"I LOVE YOU RONY!", screamed one of them.

"Whoa, whoa ladies, there's enough Rony Weasley for all of you", he winked at the crowd and several girls swooned.

"What's this? Since when is Weasley rich?!", shouted Draco above the din.

"Since I inherited it, duh!", answered Rony as he was signing autographs for the crowd.

"Where did you inherit it from?", asked Hermione after she was able to fight her way to the front of the crowd.

"From my Dad", said Rony nonchalantly as he girl asked for his autograph on her boobs.

Hermione gasped, "He died? When? I'm so sorry Ron!"

"He died when I was a boy", Rony gave her an incredulous look and went back to work on his autograph on the boobs.

"But he never was rich!", said Draco.

"Buzzkill! Denny, get rid of him, will ya?", said Rony and asked to the crowd in general, "Anybody else want an autograph on her boobs?"

There was a general cheer and Rony grinned, "Okay, make a line then, no hurries at all."

Denny came back from the compartment with a baseball bat and waved it menacingly at Draco to get him moving.

"CRABBE! GOYLE!", shouted Draco in anger.

Goyle stepped forwards and got hit with the bat.

"AH!", he screamed and Denny took the distraction to shatter his kneecaps.

"Where the hell is Crabbe?!", shouted Draco as he watched Goyle be beaten up by thin Dennis Creevey.

Meanwhile, near the engines of the train Crabbe was walking along the corridor in a huge trench coat. Unbeknownst to anybody, Vincent Crabbe had been one of the many people to suffer changes during the summer.

Some people had gained money, muscles or superior training, other had lost children, husbands, an eye or all scalp hair.

Crabbe had grown four metallic arms on his back.

His mother kept assuring him it was all about puberty and his father was acting too strange to even notice he had a son, much less that said son now basically had eight extremities.

Crabbe had thought hard and long about this and at the end he decided to change his name to Docto Octo.

Docto Octo eventually discovered the engine just as Goyle was having his legs broken to pieces by Denny. Docto Octo had a look around all the levers and the corpse of the late driver. All he knew was that in some deep primitive part of his mind he had something against trains. Somehow they were too slow.

He yanked a couple of levers and kicked many other stuff and felt the train give a lurch and fell down as he tripped with the corpse that moaned a bit when he sat on him.

This was perfect.

On the other side of the train Neville Longparker dashed from his compartment, jumped out of the first window and maneuvered his way on top of the train. He began running towards where he knew the engine was as he changed into his new skin-tight, blue and red suit.

When he jumped into the engine room through a window he was just able to see a retreating back with four metallic arms protruding from it.

"What happened?", he asked the driver as he slowly say up.

"It hit me on the head from behind, didn't see his face", said the concussed driver.

"No problem sir, but how do we fix this?", asked Neville.

"Hmm?", the driver then glanced at what once had been the control levers and choked.

"Sir?"

"No way! We're going to crash into the station at Hogsmeade!", said the driver in terror.

Neville quickly smug on top of the roof and saw they were, inexplicably, all of the sudden not that far at all from the Hogsmeade station.

He stuck his head back into the engine room with the driver and said, "I have a plan!"

"To call the responsible authorities in this time of crisis?", asked the driver.

"No!", he said and with his sticky fingers and toes he managed to crawl to the nose of the train where he began casting spider webs on all the passing trees.

He kept casting as many webs as he could while the train sped on and a few trees got uprooted. Finally he had enough webs to hold so he began to get pressed into the Hogwarts Express. The driver inside was yelling into a floo connection to get the Aurors at the station in time before some tragedy occurred.

Just as the driver was beginning to lose faith in the blue and red dressed spidery boy the train began to lose speed and eventually stopped right in time when they arrived at the station. Many people inside the train cheered as they rushed out to cheer at the boy as he got off the nose of the train.

"Remember!", said the boy, "I'm your friendly neighbor, Acromantula-Man!", with that he shot a web to some distant tree and swung away.

The crowd cheered, but this time it was because Rony Weasley was coming out of the train waving at everybody, his bodyguard with a bloody bat in hand, right at his side.

The cheering crowd parted to let him through and followed him as he mounted a couch with Salt and JARMUS while Denny went and sat at the driver seat of the couch and began yelling at the empty space in front of the couch to get a move on.

When Rony got out of his couch he met Agent McGonson standing at the Hogwarts entrance waiting for the first years.

"Hey! It's Agent! Salt, deal with her", he ordered and went inside while Salt stayed behind to speak about important stuff.

Soon the Great Hall was filled and everybody was seated in their respective House tables.

Hermione sat alone with the girls of her same year while the Sorting began as she wondered what had happened with Ron when she suddenly saw her other best friend nearby.

"Harry!", she scooted over to greet him and then glanced at all his muscles and 40's hairstyle, "What on earth happened to you?"

"Hermione? Is that you? Did you also fall into ice?", asked Harry hopefully.

"No", she said slowly.

"Oh! You build a time machine then? Cool! I knew you could do something like that!", he said happily.

She frowned at him, "I didn't build any time machine."

Harry's shoulders sagged, "Oh, then you can't be her. Sorry, but you look a lot like my old friend, Hermione", and with that he got up and moved further away.

She sat in total confusion for a minute.

Then Dumbledore arrived and several people watched him in shock.

"Now you little motherf#$^$#s this b&^#$ is going to rant about some sh", he pointed at a woman all dressed in pink and sat back down to drink some firewhiskey.

The pink dressed woman got up and stared at him in confusion mixed with surprise and began giving her speech.

She wasn't a quarter through it when Rony snuck out of the place to battle Mondiah on top of the Astronomy Tower since Salt and Agent McGonson hadn't come back yet.

When Umbridge was finally done everybody heard a huge explosion and turned to see a completely golden medieval armor fly from the Astronomy Tower and into the sky, a bigger, bulkier medieval armor following it.

People rushed to the windows to watch.

"Professor Dumbledore – Dumbfury – shouldn't you be doing something about that?", asked Snape irritably.

"Nah", he said and had another glass of firewhiskey, "And it's Director Dumbfury to you."

Snape hid his face in his hands as he shook his head. Umbridge began taking notes fervently.

Later that day people saw how they carried an unconscious Rony Weasley to the infirmary and were told that it was totally unrelated to the Astronomy Tower incident. After that they saw them carry the corpse of Mondungus Fletcher, also known as Mondiah Flane, away from the school and also got told it was completely unrelated to the Astronomy Tower incident.

The next day the newspapers were all news about it and many of them came to Hogwarts for an explanation.

Just when the Great Hall was full with people for lunch time Rony Weasley got upon the Gryffindor table and said, "I am Gold Man!"

People went crazy and began to take photos of him like there was no tomorrow while he gave them his best angles.

Rony that night went to his home because he needed to take extra supplied for his Gold Man suite if he was going to stay for a year at Hogwarts. When he walked into his living room he found Molly seated with the bald headmaster from Hogwarts.

"Um – Rony, Director Dumbfury wants to speak with you", said Molly anxiously.

"We need to talk Mr. Weasley", said Dumbfury.

Rony shrugged, "Sounds fine by me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are. Keep that discussion coming. I love to read what you guys think of this story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm here again! This story managed to spawn yet another chapter! Hopefully you like it.

Hermione was walking early to her Arithmancy classes. Ever since her friends or either didn't know her anymore or claimed she simply looked a lot like herself she was being extremely alone.

When she entered her class she saw Professor Vector standing there with camouflage robes and a beret. He saluted her, "We have an offer for you Miss", he said.

Hermione, eager to help, readily accepted.

The offer consisted of her and some other scientist working in the dungeons to discover the magical uses of gamma radiation, something she was told was completely safe.

On her first day of work she had her first nasty surprise, "AH!", she screamed.

"Why are you screaming?", asked Cormac McLaggen as he stood there amongst all the lab equipment and magical paraphernalia in a white robe covering his uniform.

"Why are you here?", she asked.

"Well, I'm one of the scientists here to work on the project", he said and held out his hand for her, "Cotty McRoss at your servise", he smiled at her.

Reluctantly she shook his hand.

Soon afterwards General Vecross, previously known as Professor Vector, came and set them to work.

With time Hermione found herself doing things that a little voice in her head told her she was not capable of actually doing since she had never studied that far in molecular science and knew pretty much nothing about radiation, never mind gamma radiation.

It was during one of these internal battles with her internal little voice telling her she wasn't in love with Cotty that she accidentally tripped over a cable and sent the gamma radiation thingummy into overdrive and then there was one big explosion. The next thing she knew was that she was hiding in an empty classroom and had nothing but her bra and some purple pants on.

She stole some robes and staggered to the dungeons lab where she discovered the lab had been blown up, she'd turned into a giant green monster with a bra and purple pants and destroyed it all, almost killing Cotty in the process. She also discovered that General Vecross was after her to exploit her new quality as monster so she ran for it.

She spent most of her time with the house-elfs in the kitchens while pretending she was one of them. Her main work was to prepare pumpkin juices for the children while she took anger management classes with one of the elfs.

One day she accidentally cut herself and a drop of blood fell into a goblet of some Slytherin.

Up at the tables, that night at dinner Montague collapsed soon after drinking his pumpkin juice.

The next day, after Hermione had tried to run away she was intercepted by Cotty who basically made gooey eyes at her until she was convinced by him to run away with her. They barely got a few steps away before a couple of interchangeable Arithmancy students in berets and camouflage robes tried to stop them.

Then she turned green again and ran to the Hufflepuff common room where she wrecked everything in her path. When all that was over she ran away again, but not before stealing some robes.

That night General Vecross sat despondently in the Hog's Head, trying to drown his sorrows when suddenly Rony Weasley walked in.

Everybody stared at the boy as he walked in since they all knew Hogwarts didn't let students out at any time they might want.

Aberforth just shook his head. He knew that when his brother had turned bald he'd gone crazy as well.

"General Vecross, I would like to talk to you", said Rony as he sat across the man.

Vecross just stared at the boy.

Soon after this Rony announced his 'Weasley Expo' to be held at the Great Hall.

"It'll be great!", he assured Salt who just looked at him in a aggravated way. It was too early for this, she told herself as they sat down to have some breakfast.

Across the Hall, at Slytherin's table, Draco glared at Rony.

"I should have my own Expo", he grumbled.

At his side, DoctoOcto, disguised as Crabbe, rolled his eyes.

An owl came and dropped a sizable box in front of Draco. A second later another owl came and dropped another box in front of Blaise Zabini.

"What's this?", asked Draco he inspected the box's address, "And who the hell is the AllFather?"

'Crabbe' shrugged.

"Never mind, if he sends me presents then he obviously is a pureblood", said Draco pompously, took his box and left the Hall.

Since his classes were starting soon instead of going back to his room he quickly snuck into an empty classroom. Fortunately it wasn't one Hermione Granner was using to hide in so he could open his box at ease.

"Huh?", said Draco once he had the box open and had taken out what was inside, "A hammer? I don't need a hammer!", he said indignantly.

He turned the hammer around and inspected the runes one it, "Well, at least it's a nice hammer", he mumbled.

Then a lightning struck the classroom, breaking through the windows and connecting with Draco.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", was the last thing Draco said before he was suck out of the classroom and Hogwarts alike.

Hours later much the same thing happened with Blaise Zabini.

Meanwhile the Weasley Expo was in full swing in the Great Hall, people from all Houses were participating and making a big fuss of it as Rony danced along some girls in golden miniskirts and golden mini-tops.

The next day they went to hold a broom racing contest in the Quidditch field and Rony was soon there to enter with his own broom.

Salt was still shouting obscenities at him when the race began and was at Denny's side to complain about Rony after a while.

At the second lap around the field a guy everybody knew as Stan Shunpike rushed into the field with electric whips and began to rant that Rony had stolen something or other from him.

"What are you on about?!", shouted Rony as he was stalling while Salt and Denny made their way to him with his suit-in-suitcase.

A short battle later and Rony was listening to Salt ranting to him in the Gryffindor common room – which he almost treated as his home these days.

"I'm your CEO for goodness sake! You can't just go and do things like this!", she huffed, "That's why I got an assistant. Rony, meet Gintalie. Gintalie, meet Rony."

A red hair girl with formal robes and a straight back walked into the common room, "A pleasure to meet you Mr. Weasley."

Lavander Brown, who was nearby and was also one of the few who hadn't lost their head said, "But she's his sister! They know each other already!"

Nobody paid her attention.

"Whoa, nice pick Salt!", said Rony.

That same day they had transported Stan Shunpike to Azkaban, though they were discussing whether they should rather have sent him to St. Mungos since he believed himself to be Stan Vankopike.

Vankopike had barely been a couple of minutes in his cell when he got busted out and dragged out by some brought over Dementors.

People soon took him over and dragged him to meet somebody he thought was named Crabbe Sr.

"Crabbe Sr.?", questioned the man with glasses and a nice new dragon hide suit, "Goodness no, I'm Crhammer, pleased to meet you Mr. Vankopike."

Vankopike listened in patience to all Crhammer had to say about his offer, "Vine", he said at the end in a heavy Russian accent, "But I vant my burd."

Crhammer stared at him, "What bird?"

"I VANT MY BURD!"

"Fine!", he held up his hands in surrender, "I'll get you your bird!"

At the Gryffindor common room everybody was wondering what Percy was doing there. First he had arrived to scold Rony about stuff and help him stagger about, but now it was the next day and he still wasn't leaving. In fact, some believed he wasn't going to leave anymore.

Lavander and Parvati left the common room in hopes of finding some sense of normality somewhere. Instead in the second floor's main corridor they found M. M. Millicent on top of some boxes shouted her lungs out.

"We can't let that bloody masked menace around us!", she was shouting at the assembled crowd, her main photographer, Neville Longparker, at her boxes' side on the ground.

"We have seen what kind of things it has created! Before we didn't have guys with eight extremities running about and breaking out trains!"

"Yeah!", said somebody.

"We also didn't have the Erumpent! Who the hell is he anyways? Why can't the authorities catch him?!"

In the crowd, Goyle with severe malformations across his face that made him suspiciously look like an Erumpent but was good at disguising it with a really big hat, cheered.

"This can't continue!", shrieked M. M. Millicent, previously known as Millicent Bulstrode.

Lavander leaned closer to Parvati and whispered, "Has she grown a mustache or is it just the light here?"

Parvati squinted, "No, I think it's real."

"Here I have Longparker who I have drafted to take as many as possible photos of the wall crawling menace so the public can know him when they see him!"

Longparker waved nervously at the crowd.

"Support the Hogwarts Bugle for we support your safety!", shouted M. M. Millicent one last time before stepping off her boxes.

Parvati went and bought one of the newspapers a first year was selling.

"Oh look!", pointed out Parvati when they opened the newspaper and skipped the front page where they harassed Acromantula-Man, "A vat of chemicals appeared out of thin air in one of the corridors!"

Lavander looked on and gasped, "And it fell on Charlie Weasley! He's freaking blind now!"

"This is horrible!", said Parvati, "What was he doing here anyways? He graduated ages ago!"

Back at the evil hideout of Crhammer, Vankopike was given a bird.

"Zisizn't my burd", said Vankopike as he warily watched the ostrich that they had brought him.

"You sure?", asked Crhammer.

"Da."

"Okay, we'll fetch you another one then."

At the Gryffindor common room Rony was throwing the mother of all parties because he insisted it was his birthday. Salt had tried to tell him multiple times that it wasn't his birthday but he was being busy too hard by feeling sorry for himself to even notice her, except when he was donating his expensive art.

The party soon went from bad to worse which angered Percy who retaliated by stealing one of Rony's older suits.

They then had a show-off of power that nobody had seen since two weeks ago when Rony and Mondiah had fought on top of the Astronomy Tower. When all was over Percy flew away with the armor as Rony sat drunk in some rubble they had created in the fight.

People tried to avoid him as they all went to sleep.

"Hem hem!", said a voice and the students who hadn't managed to run away yet stood still with a deer-in-headlights expression.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?", asked Denny, covering up for Salt who had gone somewhere to feel embarrassed about everything.

"What happened here? I heard a noise so I came to check", said Umbridge , ignoring Denny, "Where is your head of House?"

Lavander, being unfortunately one of the few left over ones spoke up, "You mean Agent McGonson? She's – who knows where she is, honestly."

Umbridge looked at her in confusion, "Your head of House is Minerva McGonagall, girl!"

"Not anymore, she changed her name about the same time as Headmaster Dumbfury", explained Lavander.

"Oh, another one gone insane. There seems to be an epidemic of it in this school!"

"Denny, kickou' th' hag, willcha?", slurred a half-asleep, half-drunk Rony from his pile of rubble.

"As you say boss", said Denny and went to get his bat.

"You better run", said Lavander, "I've seen him shatter the kneecaps of three people already."

Umbridge was about to argue, but she as well as some other people had been feeling increasingly confused the last days so she instead left quickly.

Back with Crammer-

"What about this bird?", he asked Vankopike.

Vankopike shook his head at the penguin they'd brought him, "Niet."

"Oh", said Crhemmer, crestfallen, "I'll continue to search then."

The next morning in the Gryffindor common room Rony was sitting on an armchair with a box of cupcakes while muttering 'spy' under his breath. Min McGonson was standing there watching him like a hawk as well.

Then later that day there was a big crash in the library and Agent Min had to leave while Rony was in creating a new element in the first year's dorm room.

Lavander ran up to Parvati as they went to class, "I bought the newspaper", she said and they quickly skipped the Acromantula-Man harassment.

"Look! There fell a hammer near the library's entrance!", said Parvati.

"It says several student that are always in the area have already tried to pick it up", read Lavander, "And one already broke his arm while trying."

"Poor Montague", said Parvati.

Back at Crhammer's hideout, Crhammer was getting fed up with Vankopike's excuses.

"What do you mean you don't want this bird?", he said as he pointed at the Phoenix he'd gotten.

"It not my burd", said Vankopike, fiddling with some armor parts.

"It's a bloody Phoenix! Everybody wants a bloody Phoenix! Besides, this one belonged to Bick Dumbfury before he threw it out of his office, accusing it of being a potential spy."

Vankopike regarded the Phoenix with a new air, "Vine, it be my burd now."

Crhammer beamed.

Later that day Vankopike was able to break out of Crhammer's hideout with the help of Fawkes and attack the Weasley Expo where he hexed Percy Weasrhodes stolen armor and made him attack Salt.

Rony showed up just in time while there was still some of his Expo left standing and fight back-to-back with Percy after he'd thrown off the hex.

Vankopike did a good job defending himself and having Fawkes attack them, but at the end Percy was able to distract Fawkes with some bird treats while Rony blasted Vankopike into unconsciousness.

Then he rescued Salt from absolutely nothing and flew her to the Astronomy Tower.

"Why are we here?", demanded Salt as he sat her down, "You know the Aurors just arrested Crhammer for harassing me? One moment he's saying he just want to make sure if something's real and the next his hands are everywhere! And then when the cops are dragging him away he confesses of breaking Vankopike out of prison!"

Rony nodded in sympathy, "What an idiot, of course everything's real on you", he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Salt narrowed her eyes at him, "Are you trying to flirt with me?"

"What would you do if I said yes?", he smirked at her.

Salt just gave up, "Oh well, I might as well go with this."

And they kissed while for no reason whatsoever the remnants of the Weasley Expo exploded through the Great Hall roof in the background.

At that same moment Min McGonson arrived at the library entrance and spotted a hammer incrusted into the floor. She picked up her two-way mirror and called the Director, "It's here."

Meanwhile inside the library Thraco, previously known as Draco Malfoy was speaking with Madame Pince in the back far back of the library. He was tall, muscular, had long platinum blond hair and a stubble beard now, nobody recognized him as Draco Malfoy anymore.

"Dame Pince, it is of most important exigency for mine person to go retrieve the Bludgeon of Thunder", he said.

Madame Pince just looked at him, "The what?"

"Don't pay attention to him", said Cho Chang, who was working in the library as extra time, "This is a bad idea, the guy is obviously confused!"

Madame Pince pursed her lips and nodded at her and her friend Marietta who was also working with them.

She turned to Thraco, "I'm sorry dear, but I can't help you go search for your – bludgeon."

"I respect thy decision Dame Pince", and with that he kissed her hand and wondered off.

When they returned to the desk of the library it was swarming with PHIELD agents with Min McGonson in change of everything.

"Why are you here?!", she shouted, "AND WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY THINGS?!"

A passing agent with a box full of book registers ran away.

"PHIELD is confiscating all of this", said Agent McGonson, "Don't worry, we'll be compensating you for everything."

"You mean stealing!", said Marietta hotly.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY MY LIFE'S WORK!", shouted Madame Pince.

"Calm down!", said Cho and dragged them away, "You can't argue with people like PHIELD!"

Madame Pince drew herself up, "I'm going to help him!", she said and marched away towards where Thraco was trying to build a horse out of books.

At the other side of the castle Lavander and Parvati were walking back to the Gryffindor Tower after watching the house-elfs extinguish the fire in the Great Hall.

"Was quite a fire, right?", said Parvati conversationally.

"What's that?",Lavander pointed at a small stage that had been set up in the main corridor of the third floor. There was already a crowd assembled.

"Let's go look", said Parvati and they walked over.

After a while Professor Flitwick appeared, seated in a chair with two big wheels and completely bald.

"What is that thing he's seated on?", asked Parvati.

A nearby Muggleborn answered them, "That's a wheelchair, people use that if they can't use their legs anymore, in other words, when they're paraplegic."

Parvati gasped, "Professor Flitwick can't use his legs? Since when?"

"He arrived like that and with no hair at the school", said the Muggleborn in confusion and moved away.

"He did?", asked Lavander.

Just then Professor Flitwick began talking, "Good evening, as some of you might know I am Charlius Flitvier, also known as Professor F. And I am a great defender of the community known as the Hufflepuffs-"

He went on for a long time. While he spoke, Zacharias Smith came to stand at his side wearing some weird red glasses along with Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones, the latter now having white hair for some reason.

Lavander and Parvati eventually just decided to skip this one and walked on to their Tower.

Later that night Cho Chang, now renamed Dr. Cho Chelvig was talking with Agent McGonson at the PHIELD set up camp.

"He's our co-worker", she was arguing with the agent.

"He bashed in the heads of several of my agents", counter argued Agent McGonson.

"He's been depressed", said Dr. Chelvig.

"He didn't look depressed when he was bashing in the heads of my agents."

"You took away his work! He was angry."

Agent McGonson sighed, "Fine, you may take him."

"What? Really?"

"Yes."

"Great!", said Cho and grabbed Thraco when he stumbled out. Cho quickly dragged him away from the place, not noticing when Thraco nicked one of the books that had been stolen previously.

"By the Bifrost I am most fortunate that thou hast rescued me from the settlements over yonder", said Thraco.

"MmmHmm", said Cho, struggling under Thraco's weight.

When they arrived at the desk where Madame Pince and Marietta were waiting for them Madame Pince rushed forward.

"Oh thank you Cho!", she thanked the girl as she took over the handling of Thraco.

"It was – er – nothing", said Cho.

"By the way", began Madame Pince, "I think something is wrong with your friend Marietta, she insists in being called Marcy now."

"Oh, nothing wrong there. That's Marcy alright", dismissed Cho with a wave and went with Marcy.

Madame Pince just shook her head at them.

"Would thou, Dame Pince, like for mine person to show thou the workings of the nine Realms? Also, I have retrieved one of thy books", he handed her a book that had the records of all overtime books of the library.

Madame Pince's eyes shone with joy, "I think you can call me – um – Jance now."

Thraco grinned at her.

That morning Molly Weasley showed up at Hogwarts to check that everything was still fine with her children.

"I'm so glad you and Percy have become such good friends!", she gushed as she checked Rony over.

"Yeah, yeah, we've been friends for years", said Rony with an eye roll, "Can you hurry up? I have a meeting with PHIELD where they're gonna tell me if I'm in this new initiative of them."

"I'm sure you'll be just perfect for it", said Molly proudly, "And what about Percy? Will he be in it as well?"

"Dunno, will see if I can get him in it. Jeez, Mom, with the way you fret over Percy one would say that he's your son as well", complained Rony.

"But he is!", said Molly.

Rony ignored her, "So this is why you came here? To check I'm still alive and adopt Percy?"

"Your brother Charlie has disappeared from the infirmary! Poor boy just lost his sight and now he's disappeared!"

"Mom, you need to stop thinking everybody is your son", said Rony.

"Mr. Weasley?", said Gintasha as she came to collect him for his meeting with PHIELD.

"GINNY!", exclaimed Molly and rushed to hug Gintasha.

"I'm so glad to see you again!", said Molly as she hugged the girl.

"Ma'am please unhand me. Weasley, what is wrong with your mother?" asked Gintasha as she tried to pry Molly's arms off of her.

"She likes to adopt random people", said Rony with a snigger, "C'mon, let's go to this meeting."

"Bye Ginny! I'm so glad to have seen you again!", cried Molly as Gintasha ran away with a sniggering Rony.

Later that day Jance was sitting in her library and wondering when she was going to see Thraco again, even after he had destroyed a portion of the library in a fight with his brother, Zoki.

Cho Chelvig was standing in the PHIELD research center in some building with Director Dumbfury.

"So you want me to examin this cube for you?", she asked as she looked at the glowing cube that contained a glowing cup.

"If you are willing to accept this offer", answered Director Dumbfury.

Behind Cho an invisible Zoki, previously known as Blaise Zabini, appeared and said, "I'll give it a look."

Dr. Chelvig said, "I'll give it a look."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering what an Erumpent is its a magical creature that looks like a rhino. I also brought back Fawkes for those of you that wondered what had happened with the poor bird.
> 
> Also, if any of you have any weird/strange ideas for this story please contact me. One person alone can only produce so much insanity on their own.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the 5th chapter! I really don't know if I should continue after this chapter, but we'll see how you guys like it and then I'll decide. One of my major problems would be the lack of ideas and I really don't want to ruin what I've written so far by writing the first stuff that I come up with. So for now I will mark this story as completed and maybe one day, if I get the right inspiration and ideas I'll continue it.
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been weeks since the Thraco incident and Hogwarts was now weirder than ever. Rony Weasley now completely lorded over the Gryffindor Tower and was welding his name on top of it for good measure. Harry Potters now spent all his time beating up sandbags and never went near the Tower anymore. Nobody knew when Thraco would appear again and the search for Draco Malfoy was becoming international, Lucius Malfoy being anxious to find his son again.

Hermione Granner was now hiding in the infirmary and wore a sari as disguise over her school robes. Nevile Longparker was working hard for the Hogwarts Bugle and was fighting the sudden crime that had appeared in the dungeons and basements of the castle. The Hufflepuffs, now known as the H-Men, were also busy recruiting students to their cause.

Charlie Weasley was still disappeared, but PHIELD now had a new file of a guy named Charlie Weasmurdog. Other strange things were happening as well. It was rumored that Umbridge was losing her hair, that Snape was preparing for some secret project and that Gilderoy Lockhart had escaped from St. Mungos.

Some of these things were on the mind of Director Dumbfury as he marched into PHIELD's research center and began demanding answers from Dr. Chelvig.

"What the f#$% is happening with the mother%^$#ing cup, Chelvig?", he demanded.

"It's throwing a tantrum, sir", explained Cho, being the only one left working as everybody else was running for their lives.

"Is that supposed to be f%$ ing funny?", demanded Dumbfury.

"N-no, sir", Cho cowered behind some magical instrument.

"Where the hell is Thobarton?", he demanded.

"Up there", pointed Cho, "Though why he calls himself Lioneye is just beyond me."

"He's a Gryffindor, what were you expecting? Thobarton! Come down here you jacka #!"

Thobarton was quickly down and at his side, "Agent Dean Thobarton reporting, sir, there's somebody coming through."

"Then why the f&^% isn't anybody doing anything to prevent it?!", demanded Dumbfury.

"But sir-", began Cho.

"Do something!"

At that moment a portal opened and Zoki stepped through.

"What the mother&*#$ing f$%#?!", shouted Dumbfury as Zoki waltzed out of the portal and Imperious'd Cho and Lioneye before anybody could do anything.

"How can he Imperious anybody if all he has is the f$%&ing glowing stick of f# %ing destiny?!", demanded Dumbfury as he ran out of the place as fast as his ancient knobby legs could carry him.

Dumbfury was barely out of range before his research center collapsed into itself and exploded.

"Director?", asked agent McGonson through the two-way mirror.

"He will pay hell for this!", said Dumbfury in rage.

"Yes sir", said agent McGonson dutifully.

"Assemble the team, McGonson", ordered Dumbfury.

Meanwhile, in some dingy unused classroom in Hogwarts castle, Gintasha Weasmanov was undergoing a rough interrogation by some Russian Slytherins.

[insert Russian profanity here(you little spy!)]

[Russian comeback(I have a name.)]

[further Russian profanity(you will suffer untold pain for bringing down our trade!)]

[Russian(Oh please, as if you could call the illegal dealings of gillyweed a trade.)]

Suddenly the two-way mirror of somebody called for Gintasha.

"It's for her", said one of the Slytherins and handed her the mirror.

"What are you doing?! I'm in the middle of an interrogation!", she complained.

"We need you here", said McGonson.

"I'm working", huffed Gintasha.

"The Director is shouting profanities and Lioneye has just been compromised."

Gintashe sighed, "Fine."

One quick battle full of kicks and awesome pirouettes later Gintasha was walking out of the place and asking what to do next to McGonson.

"You're getting the girl", said McGonson, "Call it female bonding if you like."

Gintasha grumbled at the two-way mirror, "I hope Weasley's mother adopts you as well", she said.

"Good grief Gintasha, we already have enough with her adopting Weasrhodes and you. Anymore and the Director would go spare."

At the infirmary of Hogwarts Molly Weasley was trying to find out where her son, Charlie, could have disappeared to.

"I honestly have no idea", said Madame Pomfrey, "Though he did seem to think his father was dead."

Molly sighed, "Rony's the same and neither Percy nor Ginny recognize me, but I'm working on it."

Madame Pomfrey patted her shoulder in understanding, "I understand you. Just the other day I could have sworn I had Draco Malfoy here as my patient, but he was not only about a foot taller, had many new muscles, long hair and a new beard, he also claimed the he was the AllFather's son, whoever that is.

"Did you contact Lucius?"

"Yes, but he was as perplexed as I was."

"Merlin", said Molly, looked around and leaned closer towards Madame Pomfrey and whispered, "Why is Hermione Granger sitting in that corner wearing a shawl?"

"It's a sari and she's Hermione Granner now. Though don't act like you know her or she might run away in fright", said the mediwitch in a whisper.

"Why on this good earth is she wearing a sari?"

"Who knows, really, I'm just a mediwitch and I've seen so many weird things this year that I don't even know where to begin."

Molly shook her head sadly and walked out as a little first year girl in rags came running in to speak with Hermione. They spoke softly for a while and then Hermione followed the little girl out.

Madame Pomfrey just sighed in relief, at last the infirmary was for her alone and with no worries of a possible Herlk sighting.

As Molly walked towards the Gryffindor Tower, nowadays being called the Weasley Tower, she saw Rony, suited with his golden medieval armor, fly out of the lake through one of the windows.

When she arrived at the common room agent McGonson was walking out with Salt.

"Hello Mrs. Weasley", greeted Salt happily, "Could you leave Rony alone for a while? He really has loads of homework to do."

"Oh, sure dear", she paused, "Um, why is JARMUS lying on the floor all tied up?"

They all turned to look where JARMUS was lying politely on the floor all tied up.

"Sorry, I had to do that when he tried to stop me from getting in", said McGonson and quickly waved her wand to untie JARMUS.

"Thank you agent McGonson", said JARMUS politely.

"You're welcome JARMUS", said McGonson and with that she, Molly and Salt went downstairs.

In one of the unused classrooms of the castle Harry was hitting a sandbag and lamenting the fact that he'd ever met Feggy.

"Mr. Potters?"

Harry turned around and greeted Dumbfury, "Oh, hi."

"How are those sorrows going?"

Harry shuddered as an image of Feggy floated by, "Not that good, sir."

"Then you will be happy to know we have a mission for you", said Dumbfury as he handed him a folder.

"Thank you, sir", said Harry, happy to have anything to distract him from his horrible memories.

"How are you adjusting to this time?"

"Fine I guess. Though many people look exactly like they used to in my day, sir, are you sure I was frozen for seventy years?"

"With no shadow of a doubt", said Dumbfury.

"Really? Because Rony Weasley looks exactly, sans the goatee, like my old friend Ron", said Harry.

"Well, that is no surprise since Rony Weasley is the son of old Ronward Weasley."

Harry frowned, "Wasn't Ron short for Ronald?"

"No, and if you would excuse me I need to get to my base. Agent McGonson will be taking you to our base once you're ready", and with that he left a bewildered Harry behind.

"But I was sure Ron was short for Ronald!"

At the PHIELD headquarters everybody was busy running around and following Director Dumbfury's orders.

The control room was a combination of what had previously been the dining room and the living room, but was now almost unrecognizable since it had been painted over with silver and had new furniture installed. The walls were packed with portraits of all famous wizards, all of them helping to keep surveillance on any place they might be hanging. The rest of the room consisted of tables full of two-way mirrors and cauldrons with specific potions and the many agents manning them.

"Has the team arrived yet?", asked Dumbfury to a passing interchangeable agent.

"Captain Scotland and Granner just arrived, sir", reported the agent.

"Good, keep me posted", he said and began to glare around with his one good eye.

Just then Molly bustled into the control room with a tray of cookies, "Kreacher and I just baked some chocolate chip cookies, would anybody want some?", she asked politely.

Several agents left their posts and ran to grab a cookie.

"Mrs. Weasley, what in f#$%'s name are you doing here giving out f%#$*& cookies?", asked Dumbfury angrily.

"Well, Kreacher and I have been working ourselves silly to feed all these people so we decided that we might just as well give them a treat."

"This is a m^#$%^*&$#$%# mission to save the blasted planet from annihilation of a-"

"Fine, fine. I won't interrupt your agents again until the planet is safe", conceded Molly and spotted Gintasha arrive with Hermione and Harry.

"What do you mean cards?", Harry was asking Gintasha, "As in the old chocolate cards?"

"Those are still around Captain, and yes, pretty much like those. I hear agent McGonson has the whole collection."

"Cor", said Harry.

"Hello Ginny, Harry dear, would you two like a cookie? Or are you too busy saving the planet?"

"I'm afraid we are", said Gintasha.

"But I'm sure we can still eat a cookie", said Harry politely and took one for himself.

"And you Hermione?"

"Um – maybe – okay", said Hermione nervously and slided sideways towards Molly and grabbed a cookie. She began to nibble at it as if she was afraid it would do something to her.

"Oh dear", said Molly to herself and went to offer some cookies to Sirius who was sulking in a corner.

"How are you today Sirius? Want a cookie?", she asked kindly.

"Thanks Molly", said Sirius miserably and took a cookie, "Harry told me again today how much I reminded him of his godfather."

"Well, at least he does still remember you and isn't disappeared anymore", she said, thinking about how some of her children didn't recognize her and how nobody could find the twins.

"Sorry Molly, has anybody found anything of the twins?"

"I'm afraid not", she said sadly.

"We are ready for liftoff!", shouted one of the agents.

"Merlin, not again", moaned Sirius, "I liked to have a flying motorcycle alright, but to have a flying house is just not my thing."

The house began to tremble and Molly had to quickly sit down with her tray before she lost her balance. The newcomers Harry and Hermione were staring out of the window as they saw the building elevate itself above the others into the sky.

"We're stable!", shouted one of the agents and Molly was able to stand up with her tray.

"At least they're getting better at it", she told Sirius.

Sirius just made a face, "You're just proud of it because Ron was the one who came up with the idea."

"You have to admit that it's a very ingenious idea", she said, "And he insists on being called Rony now."

The house was now just above the clouds and the portraits had just managed to settle themselves back after they had gotten themselves skewed with the takeoff turbulence.

"Let's disappear", ordered Dumbfury and several agents began casting spells with their wands.

"I'll be up in my room with Buckbeak", grumbled Sirius and walked away at the same time as Gintasha went to show Hermione her lab.

Molly wondered around, offering cookies to any agent that looked like he or she could spare the time for a chat.

"I think I spotted him!", cried the portrait of Bulric the Oddball, "At the Ackerton Manor!"

"I saw him too!", cried the portrait of some witch.

"Definitely him", said another one.

"Alright team, time to earn your paycheck!", commanded Dumbfury.

"But we aren't paid", argued Harry while he was dragged out by McGonson.

"Sir!", the portrait of Phineas Nigellus suddenly exclaimed, "Snape's experiment with those four students has backfired! The house-elfs are extinguishing the fire in the dungeons, but they say the students and Snape are still alive."

"I don't have time for m#$%*&*#$*%^& failing experiments, I have a damn planet to save!"

"But sir-"

Phineas got interrupted when the portrait of the witch that had spoken before now began to speak again, "Sir! Zabin-Zoki I mean – has just gored out the eye of Ackerton Sr.!"

"See", said Dumbfury to Phineas, "He's goring out the eyes of people out there and you want me to care about some failed experiment that didn't even f#*^% # kill anybody?!"

Phineas rolled his eyes at Dumbfury, "Aha."

"Now how's the team doing?", he asked critically.

While an agent began to report to him, Molly moved over to Phineas' portrait.

"Who were the four students that got injured?", she asked.

"The Patil twins and two Ravenclaw boys. The school mediwitch is already treating them."

Molly sighed in relief that it wasn't one of her children, "Thank you Phineas."

"Yes, yes", grumbled Phineas and left his portrait.

Soon after Molly returned to the kitchen to prepare lunch while in the control room portraits were running to all kinds of placed to try keep up the surveillance of what was happening.

"We've captured Zoki", came Gintasha's report through one of the two-way mirrors.

"Excellent, now bring him in", said Director Dumbfury.

"Isn't that going to be a bit difficult, sir? They only have a really long broom with them", said one of the interchangeable agents.

"They can chain him to it", said Dumbfury with a glare, daring the interchangeable agent to argue.

"O-of course sir", said the agent and went back to his duty.

Half an hour later Gintasha showed up with Zoki, Captain Scotland and very battered looking Thraco and Rony.

"What the s#&$ happened with you and why is f#%^&*$ Thraco here?", demanded Dumbfury.

"Well, L'oreal here suddenly appeared and stole Goatman over there and then-"

Dumbfury held up his hand, "I don't want to know", and with that he went after their new prisoner while everybody else gathered around a table near the meeting room.

"What is this?!", exclaimed Zoki once he saw his cell.

"It was specifically made for those who annoy me", said Director Dumfury.

Zoki stared in horrified trance at the wall of his cell, "Who is she?"

Dumbfury shrugged, "Who knows, but she treats her prisoners real nice, RIGHT MISS?", he shouted the last part.

Inside the cell Walburga Black's portrait opened her eyes.

"WHO DARES TO DEFILE THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS?! MUDBLOODS AND BLOODTRAITORS IN THE HOUSE OF BLACK! YOU SHALL ALL ROT IN HELL!"

The last sight of Zoki that Dumbfury had before he walked away was one of total horror.

When he arrived back at the control room most of the team had gone away to either the lab or some other part of the flying house.

"Where's Dumbfury?!", shouted Phineas' portrait.

"What is it?", asked the Director.

"The four students just awoke, one of the twins set fire to her bed and the other one is presumably invisible. The mediwitch is going spare and just called St. Mungos for extra help."

"And what the flying s&^% has this to do with me?", demanded Dumbfury.

Phineas sighed and without answering walked out of his portrait.

"Sir, there is a floo call for you from the Minister!", called some agent.

Dumbfury walked into an adjacent room with a fireplace and glared at the face of Cornelius Fudge in the fire.

"Now what?", he demanded.

"Albus! I've just gotten reports that one of your students, Blaise Zabini, walked into the Ackerton Manor in goat attire and gored out the eye of Lord Ackerton!"

"He's not one of my f#$%*#^ students", argued Dumbfury.

Cornelius just stared at him, "Sure, um, I'll just be sending over, um, some of my friends of St. Mungos, right, don't leave the house please!"

The floo connection cut out after that.

Agent McGonson came to stand at his side, "What do you wish me to do with the St. Mungos officials?"

"Do the same as he did last time Fudge sent them", said Dumbfury.

"Convert them to our cause?"

"Exactly."

Meanwhile, at Hogwarts infirmary.

"WHY CAN'T I SEE MYSELF?!", Padma cried, it was the only indication that she was still in the room – that and her floating underwear.

"COOL! I can create fire!", said Parvati and snapped her fingers to produce some fire.

There was a loud crash as Anthony Goldstone broke through the wall and jumped out.

"MR. GOLDSTONE, COME BACK!", cried Madame Pomfrey, her nurse hat all skewed on her head and most of her hair out of her bun.

"LOOK!", shouted Terry Boot as he extended his arm and grabbed a pencil three meters away.

"THIS IS SO COOL!", shouted Parvati, accidentally setting fire to another bed.

"MISS PATIL! Please stop setting furniture on fire!", exclaimed a disheveled Madame Pomfrey.

Parvati stopped mid-snapping again her fingers and looked at Madame Pomfrey, "No, it's – that thing in the sky – um – Tempest. I'm Parvati Tempest!", she said gleefully and snapped her fingers.

Madame Pomfrey just sighed in resignation

Back at the flying house that was PHIELD headquarters Hermione Granner and Rony Weasley were chatting in the lab.

The lab consisted mainly of shimmering cauldrons with all kinds of detecting potions going on, all of them especially prepared to locate the cup within the cube that had been stolen before.

"-and I especially loved the way you wrecked the Hufflepuff common room", Rony was saying enthusiastically, "They say it was an awesome sight."

Hermione shifted on her chair uncomfortably, "Uh, sure."

Rony went and threw his arm over Hermione's shoulder, "I'm totally inviting you to my Tower, I remodeled several rooms into labs. It's all awesome there now."

"Really?", said Hermione, sounding interested despite herself.

"Why do I get the impression you're trying to talk Dr. Granner into world domination?", asked Harry, suddenly coming into the lab.

"I'm not a doctor", said Hermione, looking confused.

Harry frowned, "But your file says you are."

"Really? Oh well, I suppose I am one then", said Hermione, a small voice in her head was telling her that she most definitely didn't have a doctorate.

"Wait, does my file also give me a title?", asked Rony in a hopeful tone.

"I'm afraid not", said Harry.

Rony pouted, "Okay, I suppose I can live with that – but now", he ran over to Harry , looked around suspiciously and whispered to Harry, "Did you know PHIELD has a secret agenda?"

"What?", said a horrified Harry.

"I know! Awesome isn't it?", said an ecstatic Rony.

"But this is awful!", said Harry.

"Aw, come on Capt'n Patriotism, don't get your panties in a twist."

Harry spluttered at that and quickly ran away.

He ran for a little while until he stopped to think what Rony had said and then went to get some answers for himself.

Down at cell Gintasha was interrogating Zoki in a loud voice since Walburga hadn't stopped screaming.

"FILTH IN THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS-"

"Please let me out!", shouted Zoki over the din.

"-MUDBLOODS AND BLOODTRAITROS-"

"Not until you tell me your plan!", shouted Gintasha.

"-ETERNAL DAMNATION TO ALL THOSE WHO DEFILE THE-"

"What?!"

"-FILTH! SCUM! BY-PRODUCTS OF DIRT AND VILENESS! HALF-BREEDS-"

"I said you'll have to tell me your plans first!", shouted Gintasha.

"WHAT?!"

"-FREAKS, BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE! HOW DARE YOU BEFOUL THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS-"

"TELL ME YOUR PLANS!", Gintasha shouted as hard as she could.

"-THE ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK-"

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SHUT THE VILE MONSTER UP!"

"So Monster, huh!", said Gintasha triumphantly and stood up from her chair, "Thank you for your cooperation!", she shouted and ran away.

"-BEGONE FROM THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS YOU SCUM-"

"WHAT?!"

Soon Gintasha, Dumbfury and Thraco were in the lab along with Rony and Hermione.

"He's after her", said Gintasha in an impassive tone of voice.

Thraco frowned, "I was not under the impression that my brother wished to betroth the doctor of Granner."

Rony gasped in mock surprise, "You don't say."

Hermione was in the corner making sad faces, "But I-"

"You need to stay f&^#ing quiet", ordered Dumbfury.

"Oi! Don't talk to my lab bro like that!", protested Rony.

Thraco frowned further, "I doth not know that the doctor of Granner is thy brother – he looks most female I must say."

"But we're not-", began Hermione.

"F$%#ing shut up!", shouted Dumbfury at Hermione.

"Whoa, whoa, brother you said?", asked Rony to Thraco.

"Well, thou hast just called him brother so-"

"How confused can you even get?", asked Rony sarcastically.

"We are getting off topic", said Gintasha.

"Why don't we talk about your plans to weaponize the world with the power of the cube?", asked Harry, suddenly walking in.

"The f$%#?!"

"Aw man, I wanted to be the one to breach that topic!", complained Rony.

"What doth thou mean with confused?", asked Thraco.

"This is not of priority", said Gintasha.

"I-"

"F*$%ity shut up!"

"Hey! Stop that!", said Rony.

"Yeah, that doth not a nice way of speaking to the brother of the man of gold", said Thraco.

"This really isn't priority."

"I AM A WOMAN!", shouted Hermione.

If possible Thraco's frown deepened, "But he called you-"

"Granner let go of the spear!", said Gintasha, only person present that was keeping her head.

Granner looked down to her hands to see herself holding the glowing spear, "Huh."

And then a section of the house exploded and everything went to hell.

In the control room people were screaming and running around like an overturned anthill.

"We got hit! WE GOT HIT!", one of the many interchangeable agents screamed.

"Regroup the team of spell casters to repair the damage!", shouted another one.

"Where is Dumbfury?"

"Where is McGonson?!"

At the kitchens Molly was staring at her overturned pot of stew.

"It took me hours to make that!", she shouted, her fists clenched so hard her knuckles were white.

Kreacher, sensing danger when he saw it, began to crawl back to his nest.

"Those little rascals will be getting an earful for this!", she proclaimed and got up. She was a woman with a mission now.

Back at what was left of the lab Gintasha was trying to sooth a changing Hermione, "And think of all the girl-bonding we can do later on. We can braid each other's hair later, wouldn't you like that Hermione?"

"NAW!", roared Herlk.

At the top floor of the flying house Sirius had opened the windows and was now mounting Buckbeak.

"I knew this would happen. I told them a flying house is unnatural and they never listened to me – I told them this would happen!", he said as he tugged at the Hippogriff's mane, urging it to move forward so they could get off the house before it plummeted to the ground.

At another place in the house Herlk and Thraco were having a power showoff.

"Please Lady Doctor of Granner, I shall hit thy person again if thou dost not calm thyself down!", shouted Thraco.

"ROAR!", answered Herlk.

"As thou wish then", said Thraco resignedly.

In the control room Dumbfury was battling off an incoming surge of interchangeable enemy agents.

"Someone get m%$^*#%&* ing Thombarton before he does any more damage!", he ordered.

On one of the two-way mirror that hadn't been broken yet by the fights Gintasha answered, "On it, sir."

Gintasha was running in the lower levels of the flying house, knowing that Thombarton was in the area.

She rounded a corner and saw him hit a few people with his arrows.

"Stand back Lioneye!", she shouted.

Lioneye moved his bow in her direction at the same time as Molly came round a corner, frying pan in hand.

"Dean! What in Merlin's name are you doing pointing that thing at Ginny?", asked Molly angrily.

Thombarton immediately turned it on Molly, but she had fast reflexes and was able to quickly deck him around the head with her pan.

"Good gracious Dean, don't point that thing in people's faces!", admonished Molly.

Gintasha came to look closer at Dean, who was now blinking up at her.

"Gin?"

Gintashe hit him one last time to knock him out and looked up at Molly, "Thank you for that Mrs. Weasley."

"No worries dear. Now, if you will excuse me – I've never liked to waste a good stew", said Molly and walked off, leaving a confused Gintasha behind.

Then, through everybody's two-way mirrors Dumbfury announced that agent Min McGonson had died.

Harry and Rony were about the only two of the team remaining on the flying house. After they finished helping in the repairs of the house they both went to sit at the meeting table near the control room.

"This sucks", said Rony gloomily.

"I always trusted in this team", Dumbfury was saying solemnly.

Harry looked at him with a sad expression.

"And now I've lost my –"

"Can someone get me Dumbfury?", called Phineas' portrait.

"WHAT DO YOU F $#ING WANT?!", bellowed Dumbfury.

"Well, the castle portraits say that they've seen Snape laugh evilly and that he has somehow acquired a metal mask to wear now", said Phineas.

"I DON'T CARE!", shouted Dumbfury.

"He tried to kill the mediwitch you moron!", shouted Phineas, "And the other four just saved a couple of firefighting house-elfs!"

Dumbfury, however, was ignoring him, "Poor McGonson never got to see the team work."

Harry was looking with concern at Phineas' portrait, "What that portrait said sounds serious, sir."

"Poor McGonson", Dumbfury repeated.

Rony stood up and went elsewhere.

Harry looked around, shrugged, and went after Rony.

Molly wondered into the room where Gintasha was taking care of Dean.

"Hello there, brought some cookies that weren't destroyed when we almost fell", she said and held out her tray.

"Mrs. Weasley", began Gintasha in an aggravated tone, "I don't think-"

"Thanks Mrs. Weasley", said Dean and ate a cookie, "I'm sorry for how I might have acted earlier."

"As long as you learned your lesson, dear."

"Mrs. Weasley-"

"What happened anyways? I wanted to offer some cookies to that blond boy with the long hair, but he's gone now. I also can't seem to find Hermione."

"Thraco fell off the house when Zoki broke out by punching a hole in the wall of his cell. What nobody knew was that he'd left a hole in the ground of his cell and covered it with a carpet. Thraco stepped on it and fell. As for Dr. Granner – well she also fell off, but that was because apparently she'd seen a guy on a flying horse outside and wanted to chase him."

Molly blinked, "We had a prisoner?"

Gintasha sighed, "Yes."

"Good gracious, I never send any meals down to the cell! The poor thing must've gotten starved down there!"

"He was only here for a few hours", said Gintasha wearily.

"Still, I should have been told. Now I'll be forced to go check down there every so often in case they throw in another one. Good grief, nobody tells me anything here", she said and walked away just as Harry ran in.

"Rony just figured out that Zoki is headed for the Weasley Tower, which one of you can pilot one of those really long brooms?"

Dean raised his hand.

"Good, come along then."

Dean whooped as he ran after and Gintasha pinched the bridge of her nose before moving after them.

Dumbfury watched smugly as the team flew away towards a certain battle.

Down on land Thraco was arguing with some peasant whose house he'd fallen into.

"Ya cantsha'st come fallin' through me 'oof an' 'spect me ter be all fine wi' it", said the man, "An' 'ow come ya ca' fly n' all tha'?"

"That is a long story to be told in front of a mighty bonfire and much ale", said Thraco, "But if thy person wishes for me to compensate thee for thy dwelling then I shalt come back and mend it for thee."

The guy stared at Thraco for a while, "Kay, bu' only'f ya gimme ya word."

Thraco raised his hammer free hand, "I, Thraco AllFather'sson, give thee mine word that I shalt come back and honor mine promise."

"Sure, sure", said the guy and waved him away, "Now go ba' an' do whateve' ya wanna do."

At yet another site Hermione was stealing some clothes from a handy clothesline.

"Why don't they ever have my size", she grumbled as she put on an overly big t-shirt.

She then conned the Knight Bus driver into giving her a free ride to Hogwarts and was just in time to fight a battle with aliens that were coming out of a wormhole on top of WE_SL_ Tower.

Back at the flying house Director Dumbfury was grinning. The Retaliators had been assembled.

Soon after he got another floo call from Fudge.

"What is it now?", he grumbled, "Is it about those f&*%ing St. Mungos officials?"

"No, as much as their constant disappearing bothers me this isn't about them", said Cornelius Fudge's head in the fireplace.

"Then what?", demanded Dumbfury.

"It's the fact that nobody knows anymore what's going on in your school! I've just received a call from Hogsmeade saying that there are monsters attacking the school, appearing out of the air above of the Gryffindor Tower!"

"It's the Weasley Tower now", supplied Dumbfury.

"Good grief", said the Minister, "And what about my poor ministry official, Miss Umbridge? She hasn't answered my last three owls and before that she was talking pure nonsense!"

"Umbridge? No, name doesn't ring a bell", said Dumbfury honestly.

Fudge looked almost sad for a moment, "Then I'm afraid I'll have to do away with Hogwarts."

"What?"

"Yes, with a giant exploding cauldron, like the ones your people invented. Lu- I mean I think it would rather ironic that way."

"You can't drop an exploding cauldron on a school full of children!"

"They're all raving mad! We have to stop it from spreading to the rest of the world!", said Fudge, "I'm sorry, but this is my final word on the subject", after that the floo connection cut off.

Dumbfury immediately sprung up and ran for the control room.

"Somebody get me a way to contact Weasley!", he shouted and people began to scuttle about.

Back at the attic Molly was treating Sirius' scratches and bruises.

"I can't believe you just tried to fly off with Buckbeak like that", admonished Molly.

"But I was convinced the house was going to fall!", argued Sirius, "Besides, how I was I supposed to know that the green thing was going to jump on me when I flew by?"

Molly had to acknowledge that, "You have a point there, but it still wasn't right. Flying off like that, honestly Sirius you're not a coward."

"But I don't have a death wish either!", said Sirius and shook his head, "You should have heard how that thing shouted when it lunged at me and Buckbeak."

"In a death curling tone?", asked Molly, she had heard from the agents how it was supposed to sound.

"No, it sounded more like 'POOOOOOOONNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!', all while smiling and showing off all its teeth – gave me the fright of my life."

Molly didn't know what to say, "Good gracious."

A short while later at Hogwarts Rony Weasley was lying unconscious on the school grounds with all his fellow Retaliators surrounding him.

Thraco lowered his head in respect, "Fellow warrior Weasley, who fell bravely in battle, thy story of valor shall be sung about in-"

"ROAR!", roared the Herlk.

"Ah!", shouted Rony in sudden fright, "What? Did someone snog me? Please tell me it wasn't Thraco."

"By the Bifrost, he's alive!"

Rony rolled his eyes, "Yes, thank you Captain Obvious, can we go check out some obscure dish nobody has ever heard of before now? I'm sure I know a place that can do that."

"But first we must go get Zoki", said Captain Scotland.

"Um, don't think so", said Gintasha, lowering her two-way mirror, "They're peeling him out of the floor now in your Tower, they suspect he broke his spine. He's not going anywhere."

"Can we go check out the obscure dish then?", asked Rony.

Harry hesitated, but only for a minute, "Fine, anyone who's up for some obscure dish say yes!"

"Yes!", said Gintasha and Dean at the same time.

"HERLK YES!"

"Yeah!", said Rony.

"What do ye mean with broken spine? Is this serious?", asked Thraco concernedly.

"Then it's all settled", said Harry, "Rony, lead the way."

"Woo hoo!"

The next day Director Dumbfury stormed into the control room of the flying house, newspaper in hands.

"Why didn't anybody f%$&ing tell me?!", he demanded as he threw down the newspaper on a table.

"Um – tell you what exactly, sir?", asked one of the more brave interchangeable agents.

"This!", Dumbfury unfolded the newspaper, skipped the part about Acromantula-Man being a menace, skipped the part dedicated to the Retaliators stint and arrived at the last part of the newspaper.

The title read 'FABULOUS FOUR DEFEAT DR. DESTINY'.

"Listen to this you jack$#%es", said Dumbfury and began to read out loud, "Yesterday we also had the Fabulous Four fighting Dr. Severus Von Destiny at the Ravenclaw Tower which is now being renamed the Ravenclaw Building."

Dumbfury glared at everybody with his one good eye, "Why didn't any of you a*$%^& # think of telling me we had four new super powered individuals in our hands?!"

In the background the portrait of Phineas Nigellus could be heard groaning.

EXTRA

At the Hog's Head Aberforth Dumbledore was watching the Retaliators eat Spotted Dick.

Rony Weasley seemed to be enjoying himself while the other ones just sat there and ate peacefully.

Suddenly Thraco spoke, "In truth, how dire is a broken spine?"

Rony took another bite of his pudding.

Gintasha wiped her mouth with her napkin.

Harry was staring into the distance as he chewed.

Dean gave a light cough.

Aberforth just wished they would all go away already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, Spotted Dick is apparently some English dish. I first heard of it in Terry Pratchett's Discworld and then somebody told me that it is a real thing.
> 
> Anything anybody might have to say about this madness is welcome and if any of you want to give me ideas for what is to happen next, please do so!
> 
> Hope this gave gave you a few laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> There we are.
> 
> If you could all theorize which HP character will turn into which Marvel character? I think it be really fun to see what you guys think will happen next.


End file.
